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SpankWagonStory.txt
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37 lines (23 loc) · 5.62 KB
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SPANKWAGON
CHAPTER 1: AMAZON WAREHOUSE
Not much in the way of plot here. You wander around, complain about your job to other employees (read: NPCs), etc etc. An employee warns you that your boss, Sigmund Freud, wants to have a chat with you in his office at the back of the store. Wandering to the back of the store, you fight off several irate customers. (Battling is just conversations. Attack are like “apologize” or “promise to report the incident to management”). You arrive at the back of the store, whence a box falls off a shelf and knocks you unconscious.
When you awake, the warehouse has change…really its the same map but empty of NPCs. Let’s be honest, what level of effort are we really looking at here. Maybe the color palette can be darker or something. I don’t know. But you reach the entrance to the store and emerge, blinking into the unknown world of…
CHAPTER 2: CHICAGO, 1909
Well. This is quite unexpected. You emerge into the slums of a grimy, polluted Chicago. The STREETS are crowded with vendors hawking their strangle anachronistic wares, and a mysterious force of faceless, mute guards. What could this place beeee?
You wander around the street, chatting up the NPCs. Eventually, you make your way down into the SEWERS. Woo combat. A homeless man teaches you the basics. From there you wander around, grindily fighting off rats, drunks, gators (???), and Scotsmen. Yes, scotsmen. Eventually you find a side-passage into the subway system, where you run into William Brian, the failed Democratic nominee for the presidency. He warns you of the tyrannical rule of William Taft and his secret military police. He asks you to do something for him: deliver a message to Nikola Tesla at his mountaintop retreat in Colorado Springs. You board a subway that takes you to...
CHAPTER 3: MIDWESTERN UNITED STATES, 1909
Shit. This is a flat, boring place. You continue to fight off homeless men and gators. No rats, though. At least they sorted that out. Yeah this is just a few levels of padded combat. How about some FIELDS and maybe Omaha or something. Yeah just a few maps of combat, how’s that. Easy to program.
BOSS FIGHT: Children of the Corn. New map: CORN. Gonna be a field where you fight off children. Then a boss. “He Who Walks Behind the Rows.” Tough fightin’ ensues.
CHAPTER 4: COLORADO SPRINGS, 1909
FInally, you made it out of that hellhole. You find yourself in a pleasant mountain VILLAGE. NPCs, vendors, shops, etc etc. They direct you to a trail to the north. You follow the trail into the FOREST, where you fight more enemies and all that. Fun stuff. You make it to TESLA’s MOUNTAINTOP RETREAT. Here you give Tesla the message that Brian gave you. Then Tesla gives a monologue! He explains that Taft’s tyrannical rule stems from his secret power: a portal in the White House, from which flows all things evil. It poisoned the waters of Chicago, killed the fields of corn in Nebraska, and caused famine and death wherever it spread. This evil MUST be stopped. Tesla asks for your assistance. You must stop Taft! Suddenly, the room fills with the mysterious black-clad figures from Chicago. It’s Taft’s secret police! Tesla goads you onto a platform, where millions of volts of electricity send you through space and time, and into the world of...
CHAPTER 5: WASHINGTON DC, 1912
You stumble out onto the streets of DC, dazed and confused. There is open fighting in the streets. By which i mean you random combat the black-clad police. You fight your way to the WHITE HOUSE. Here you continue to fight the police, and you make your way to the second boss fight! It’s mothafuckin WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT. You defeat him, and with his dying breath he directs you to the portal in the oval office. You pass through and enter…
CHAPTER 6: WASHINGTON DC, 1981
Suddenly it all becomes clear. You step out of the portal to face a weary and aging Ronald Reagan. He explains to you what is going on: By the year 1981, the world’s reserve of natural resources is all but dried up. Corporations have bled dry the world. He claims that it all comes from TR, Taft, and the trust-busters. The corporations just didn’t have enough freedom! So he created a portal back in time to remedy this: rather than regulate trade, the most prolific trust-busters would instead encourage the growth and power of corporations. This program of corporate strength, rigidly enforced by the black-masked secret police, will ensure that the free market will reign supreme and prevent all evil. He finishes his monologue and you run outside, where you encounter a mysterious old man. The man claims to be Tesla! He faked his death to hide from Reagan’s regime. He gives you your final mission: Assemble the SpankWagon, the last bastion of defense against the free market forces! He then hands you a plane ticket to...
CHAPTER 7: PORTLAND, 1981
Assemble some hippies! Run around doing fetch quests for some hippies to convince them to get in a hippy van with you. The van, labeled the SpankWagon, is armed with Tesla’s finally-finished death ray, and some kicking’ speakers from which you can blare some bitchin-ass music. Aww yiss. Finally, the Wagon is complete! Time to return to…
CHAPTER 8: ROUTE 66
FIGHT SOME DAMN FASCISTS WITH YO HIPPIE VAN
CHAPTER 9: Area 51
After fighting through a swath of secret police, the SpankWagon finds its way to Area 51, where you must do battle with Reagan, astride a refurbished UFO! Battle well, friend!
When you inevitably defeat Reagan, he gives a death monologue about the importance of ensuring the protection of citizens as well as corporations. He coughs, sputters, and dies. Victory for the hippies! Some Grateful Dead plays as the SpankWagon drives off into the distance, smelling faintly of weed...