geekcode.txt

   The Code of the Geeks v3.12

    By: Robert A. Hayden <rhayden@geekcode.com>
    The HTML version of the The Geek Code v3.12 has been formatted by Dylan
    Northrup.

   Last updated: March 5, 1996
     _________________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to
   yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people
   too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the
   world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that
   will last you forever.

   How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek
   code! Using this special code will allow you to let other un-closeted
   geeks know who you are in a simple, codified statement.

   The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code
   to your signature file or plan and announce it far and wide. But be
   careful, you may give other geeks the courage to come out of the
   closet. You might want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to
   help them along.
     _________________________________________________________________

A NOTE OR TWO FROM THE AUTHOR

   Well, here it is, finally, version 3.x of the World-Famous Geek Code.
   Yes, it's taken me much longer to write the new version than it should
   have. Yes, the old version was hopelessly out of date. I apologize. A
   combination of too much schooling followed by college graduation
   delayed it. In addition, there were almost 2,000 suggestions and
   comments on version 2.1 to wade through for consideration in this
   version. However, I'm a grad student now (Education Technology,
   Mankato State University), so I have a lot of time on my hands (yeah,
   right!).

   It is my hope that this new version will be much superior to version
   2.x. One of the main problems with 2.x was not that it was too long
   (well, it is too long, but that's irrelevant), but much of its length
   was attributed to non-geek categories (such as 'barney'). One of the
   goals of 3.x is to eliminate many of the non-geeky and unimportant
   categories in order to make room for geeky traits. "More geek, less
   bullshit" is a good motto. In addition, many of the categories (such
   as politics) were very poorly developed. These categories have been
   revamped and expanded to make them more fully cover all the requisite
   areas.

   Finally, despite my opinions to the contrary, I've left some of the
   "appearance" sections in. I'd like to think of looks as being not a
   very geeky trait, but it seems that many of the users of the code use
   it as a litmus test for dating or something. Thus, a geek code has
   become a replacement for the classic "what do you look like" that once
   permeated the net. I've eliminated most of the categories, but left
   the most important ones in. Hey, anything for my fellow geeks...

   In other news, the Geek Code is starting to go mainstream. It appeared
   with commentary in the February '95 issue of Boardwatch magazine as
   well as the August 1995 issue of Fast Forward, a suplement to The
   Washington Post. I've also received permission requests from people
   that want to translate the code into other languages; so far Japanese,
   Russian, French and ADA (ewww!). It's my hope that perhaps this next
   year can bring a little more popular media exposure and a true world
   presence. If you want to write something about the Geek Code, or do a
   translation, or anything else, please read the copyright notice at the
   end. It's fairly open, but you don't want to get in trouble, do you?
   If you do write an article or something about the Geek Code, I would
   like to have a copy if it for my own records.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                Instructions
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled
   with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and
   determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category.
   By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct
   your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will
   inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually
   are.

   Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly.
   It is impossible to cover all possibilities in each category. Simply
   choose that qualifier that most closely matches you. Also, some
   activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in,
   while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier
   describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you
   match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.

   After you have determined each of your qualifiers, you need to the
   construct your GEEK CODE BLOCK. Instructions are provided on how to do
   this towards the end of this file.

   Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big
   difference between a 'w' and a 'W'.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                Quick Index
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   The following is an example Geek Code. If you are interested in a
   particular category, click on the letter and you will be sent to the
   explanation for that letter.

   GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++
          w--- O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+
          b+ DI+++ D+++ G++++ e++ h r-- y++**

   You can also go to a particular section:
     * Appearance
     * Computers
     * Politics
     * Entertainment
     * Lifestyle
     * How to Display Your Geek Code
     * Administrivia
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                 Variables
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   Geeks can seldom be strictly quantified. To facilitate the fact that
   within any one category the geek may not be able to determine a
   specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to
   be included.

   @
          for this variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change
          with time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks
          who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation,
          but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.

   ()
          for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to
          C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use
          C+(---). @ is different from () in that () has finite limits
          within the category, while @ ranges all over.

   >
          for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is
          currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another.
          For example, C++>$ indicating a geek that is currently computer
          savvy, but wants to someday make money at it.

   $
          Indicates that this particular category is done for a living.
          For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes Unix and
          gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.

   ?
          Unless stated otherwise within the specific category, the ? is
          placed after the category identifier and indicates that the
          geek has no knowledge about that specific category. For
          example, a person that has never even heard of Babylon 5, would
          list their Babylon 5 category as 5?

   !
          Placed BEFORE the category. Unless stated otherwise, indicates
          that the person refuses to participate in this category. This
          is unlike the ? variable as the ? indicates lack of knowledge,
          while the ! indicates stubborn refusal to participate. For
          example, !E would be a person that just plain refuses to have
          anything to do with Emacs, while E? would be a person that
          doesn't even know what Emacs is.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                               Types of Geeks
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation (or, if
   a student, what they are training in) of the particular geek. To start
   a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do
   this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one
   or two letters to denote the geek's occupation or field of study.
   Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should
   denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation
   (example: GCS/MU/TW).

   GB --- Geek of Business
          GC --- Geek of Classics
          GCA -- Geek of Commercial Arts
          GCM -- Geek of Computer Management
          GCS -- Geek of Computer Science
          GCC -- Geek of Communications
          GE --- Geek of Engineering
          GED -- Geek of Education
          GFA -- Geek of Fine Arts
          GG --- Geek of Government
          GH --- Geek of Humanities
          GIT -- Geek of Information Technology
          GJ --- Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
          GLS -- Geek of Library Science
          GL --- Geek of Literature
          GMC -- Geek of Mass Communications
          GM --- Geek of Math
          GMD -- Geek of Medicine
          GMU -- Geek of Music
          GPA -- Geek of Performing Arts
          GP --- Geek of Philosophy
          GS --- Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
          GSS -- Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
          GTW -- Geek of Technical Writing

          GO --- Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the
          normal geek activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come
          from all walks of life.
          GU --- Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with
          incoming freshmen.

          G! --- Geek of no qualifications. A rather miserable existence,
          you would think.

          GAT -- Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything
          and everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other
          vocational descriptors.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                 APPEARANCE
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
   That seems to be ample justification to invent a time machine; just to
   play with the minds of the people that make up these silly sayings.
   Nevertheless, until we completely understand temporal mechanics and
   can get both a DeLorean and a Flux Capacitor in the same place at the
   same time at 88 miles an hour, we need to understand that how we look
   is a mark that will effect us for the rest of our lives, or at least
   until we change clothes.

   The Geek, of course, doesn't believe any of that crap. How we look has
   little to do with what we are inside, and who we are as people. Yet,
   people still want to know what we look like. Thus, this section allows
   you to list out all the relevant traits about what you look like on a
   normal geeky day.
     _________________________________________________________________

Dress

   It is said that "clothes make the man". Well, I understood that I was
   made by a mommy and a daddy (and there's even a category to describe
   the process below!). Maybe the people who made up that saying aren't
   being quite that literal...

   d++
          I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit or
          worse, a tie.

   d+
          Good leisure-wear. Slacks, button-shirt, etc. No jeans, tennis
          shoes, or t-shirts.

   d
          I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring,
          without life or meaning.

   d-
          I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt.

   d--
          My t-shirts go a step further and have a trendy political
          message on them.

   d---
          Punk dresser, including, but not limited to, torn jeans and
          shirts, body piercings, and prominent tattoos.

   dx
          Cross Dresser

   d?
          I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I
          wore yesterday.

   !d
          No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?

   dpu
          I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion,
          forgetting to do laundry between wearings.
     _________________________________________________________________

Shape

   Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two
   parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates
   roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++,
   s++:, s++:--.

   s+++:+++
          I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie
          seats.

   s++:++
          I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.

   s+:+
          I'm a little taller/rounder than most.

   s:
          I'm an average geek

   s-:-
          I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few
          pounds.

   s--:--
          I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight
          against a strong breeze.

   s---:---
          I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat
          dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.
     _________________________________________________________________

Age

   The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience.
   To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use
   the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years). Also, please
   use BASE 10 numbers.

   a+++
          60 and up

   a++
          50-59

   a+
          40-49

   a
          30-39

   a-
          25-29

   a--
          20-24

   a---
          15-19

   a----
          10-14

   a-----
          9 and under (Geek in training?)

   a?
          immortal

   !a
          it's none of your business how old I am

   In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the
   number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                 COMPUTERS
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   There is a record of geeks that don't use computers. Unfortunately,
   they are all dead, having lived in an era of no computers. All modern
   geeks have some exposure to computers. If you don't know what a
   computer is, you need to go back into your shell.
     _________________________________________________________________

Computers

   Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer
   networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers,
   consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with
   'computer network'). This category represents "general" computer
   aptitude. Categories below will get into specifics.

   C++++
          I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface
          installed into my skull.

   C+++
          You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me!
          I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.

   C++
          Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in
          the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I play
          games or mud on weekends, but still manage to stay off of
          academic probation.

   C+
          Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of
          DOOM! and can use a word processor without resorting to the
          manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I
          also know that when it says 'press any key to continue', I
          don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.

   C
          Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my
          purpose.

   C-
          Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.

   C--
          Where's the on switch?

   C---
          If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!
     _________________________________________________________________

UNIX

   It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among
   most geeks. In addition to telling us about your Unix abilities, you
   can also show which specific Unix OS you are using. To accomplish
   this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For
   example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.

   B - BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
          L - Linux
          U - Ultrix
          A - AIX
          V - SysV
          H - HPUX
          I - IRIX
          O - OSF/1 (aka Digital Unix)
          S - Sun OS/Solaris
          C - SCO Unix
          X - NeXT
          * - Some other one not listed

   U++++
          I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be
          surprised if the municipal works department gets an
          "accidental" computer-generated order to put start a new
          landfill on your front lawn or your quota is reduced to 4K.

   U+++
          I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so
          that it doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know
          I'm here. If you don't understand what I just said, this
          category does NOT apply to you!

   U++
          I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always
          using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I
          don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd
          next week, just don't tell anyone.

   U+
          I not only have a Unix account, but I slam VMS any chance get.

   U
          I have a Unix account to do my stuff in

   U-
          I have a VMS account.

   U--
          I've seen Unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!

   U---
          Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.
     _________________________________________________________________

Perl

   If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you
   might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-Unix geeks don't
   know what they're missing.

   P+++++
          I am Larry Wall, Tom Christiansen, or Randal Schwartz.

   P++++
          I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other
          programming languages. I firmly believe that all programs can
          be reduced to a Perl one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++
          status.

   P+++
          Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no
          longer write shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I
          use Perl for all programs of less than a thousand lines.

   P++
          Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell
          scripts anymore because I write them in Perl.

   P+
          I know of Perl. I like Perl. I just haven't learned much Perl,
          but it is on my agenda.

   P
          I know Perl exists, but that's all.

   P-
          What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?

   P--
          Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing
          off.

   P---
          Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the
          performance of awk with the simplicity of C. It should be
          banned.

   P!
          Our paranoid admin won't let us install Perl! Says it's a
          "hacking tool".
     _________________________________________________________________

Linux

   Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to
   Unix. It was written for and continues to run on your standard
   386/486/Pentium PC, but has also been ported to other systems. Because
   it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from
   hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his
   Linux ability.

   L+++++
          I am Linus, grovel before me.

   L++++
          I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have
          enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many
          patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago.
          Linux newbies consider me a net.god.

   L+++
          I use Linux exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.*
          and even answer questions sometimes.

   L++
          I use Linux ALMOST exclusively on my system. I've given up
          trying to achieve Linux.God status, but welcome the OS as a
          replacement for DOS. I only boot to DOS to play games.

   L+
          I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few
          times. It seems like it is just another OS.

   L
          I know what Linux is, but that's about all

   L-
          I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats
          patootie about it. There are other, better, operating systems
          out there. Like Mac, DOS, or Amiga-OS. Or, better yet even,
          would be another free Unix OS like FreeBSD.

   L--
          Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill
          Gates.

   L---
          I am Bill Gates.
     _________________________________________________________________

Emacs

   GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor/operating system
   available for just about every computer architecture out there.

   E+++
          Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psychologist! I use
          emacs to control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people
          don't know what you're missing! I read alt.religion.emacs,
          alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.

   E++
          I know and use elisp regularly!

   E+
          Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!

   E
          Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.

   E-
          Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes

   E--
          Emacs is just a fancy word processor

   E---
          Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!

   E----
          Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!
     _________________________________________________________________

World Wide Web

   It's relatively new. It's little understood. Everybody's doing it. How
   much of a web-surfer are you?

   W+++
          I am a WebMaster . Don't even think about trying to view my
          homepage without the latest version of Netscape. When I'm not
          on my normal net connection, I surf the web using my Newton and
          a cellular modem.

   W++
          I have a homepage. I surf daily. My homepage is advertised in
          my .signature.

   W+
          I have the latest version of Netscape, and wander the web only
          when there's something specific I'm looking for.

   W
          I have a browser and a connection. Occasionally I'll use them.

   W-
          The web is really a pain. Life was so much easier when you
          could transfer information by simple ASCII. Now everyone won't
          even consider your ideas unless you spiff them up with
          bandwidth-consuming pictures and pointless information links.

   W--
          A pox on the Web! It wastes time and bandwidth and just gives
          the uneducated morons a reason to clutter the Internet.
     _________________________________________________________________

USENET News

   Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble,
   was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's
   hard drive. It also is a way for people to distribute pornography.

   N++++
          I am Tim Pierce

   N+++
          I read so many newsgroups that the next batch of news comes in
          before I finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for
          about 2 hours straight before I'm caught up on the morning's
          news. Then there's the afternoon...

   N++
          I read all the news in a select handful of groups.

   N+
          I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.

   N
          Usenet News? Sure, I read that once

   N-
          News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely

   N--
          News sucks! 'Nuff said.

   N---
          I work for Time Magazine.

   N----
          I am a Scientologist.

   N*
          All I do is read news
     _________________________________________________________________

USENET Oracle

   (Info taken from the Usenet Oracle Help File)
   Throughout the history of mankind, there have been many Oracles who
   have been consulted by many mortals, and some immortals. The great
   Hercules was told by the Gelphic Oracle to serve Eurystheus, king of
   Mycenae, for twelve years to atone for the murder of his own children.
   It was the Oracle of Ammon who told King Cepheus to chain his daughter
   Andromeda to the rocks of jappa to appease the terrible sea monster
   that was ravaging the coasts. That solution was never tested, though,
   as Perseus saved the girl in the nick of time.

   With the advent of the electronic age, and expecially high-speed
   e-mail communication, the spirit of the Oracles found a new outlet,
   and we now recognize another great Oracle, the Usenet Oracle.

   For more information, check out the newsgroups rec.humor.oracle and
   rec.humor.oracle.d or the FTP archives at cs.indiana.edu:/pub/oracle.
   Additional information and instructions can be found by sending an
   e-mail message with the subject of 'help' to oracle@cs.indiana.edu.

   o+++++
          I am Steve Kinzler

   o++++
          I am an active Priest

   o+++
          I was a Priest, but have retired.

   o++
          I have made the Best Of Oracularities.

   o+
          I have been incarnated at least once.

   o
          I've submitted a question, but it has never been incarnated.

   o-
          I sent my question to the wrong group and got flamed.

   o--
          Who needs answers from a bunch of geeks anyhow?
     _________________________________________________________________

Kibo

   Kibo is. That is all that can be said. If you don't understand, read
   alt.religion.kibology

   K++++++
          I am Kibo

   K+++++
          I've had sex with Kibo

   K++++
          I've met Kibo

   K+++
          I've gotten mail from Kibo

   K++
          I've read Kibo

   K+
          I like Kibo

   K
          I know who Kibo is

   K-
          I don't know who Kibo is

   K--
          I dislike Kibo

   K---
          I am currently hunting Kibo down with the intent of ripping his
          still-beating heart out of his chest and showing it to him as
          he dies

   K----
          I am Xibo
     _________________________________________________________________

Microsoft Windows

   A good many geeks suffer through the use of various versions of
   Microsoft's Windows running on or as a replacement for DOS. Rate your
   Windows Geekiness.

   w+++++
          I am Bill Gates

   w++++
          I have Windows, Windows 95, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced
          Server all running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen
          daylight in six months.

   w+++
          I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to
          allow MS Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron.
          P.S. Unix sux.

   w++
          I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++
          someday. I've written at least one DLL.

   w+
          I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen
          savers so my PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I
          have a hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never
          used. I never lose Minesweeper and Solitaire

   w
          Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.

   w-
          I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one
          peripheral that never works right

   w--
          MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, it's not even an
          operating system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either. 95 is
          how may times it will crash an hour.

   w---
          Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10
          years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quartered, hung, shot,
          poisoned, disembowelled, and then REALLY hurt.
     _________________________________________________________________

OS/2

   The operating system that looks a lot like Windows, acts a lot like
   Windows, but is much better than Windows.

   O+++
          I live, eat and breathe OS/2. All of my hard drives are HPFS. I
          am the Anti-Gates.

   O++
          I use OS/2 for all my computing needs. I use some DOS and
          Windows programs, but run them under OS/2. If the program won't
          run under OS/2, then obviously I don't need it.

   O+
          I keep a DOS partition on my hard drive "just in case". I'm
          afraid to try HPFS.

   O
          I finally managed to get OS/2 installed but wasn't too terribly
          impressed.

   O-
          Tried it, didn't like it.

   O--
          I can't even get the thing to install!

   O---
          Windows RULES!!! Long live Bill Gates. (See w++++)

   O----
          I am Bill Gates of Borg. OS/2 is irrelevant.
     _________________________________________________________________

Macintosh

   Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer altogether and
   moved over to the Macintosh. It in important to give notification of
   your Mac rating.

   M++
          I am a Mac guru. Anything those DOS putzes and Unix nerds can
          do, I can do better, and if not, I'll write the damn software
          to do it.

   M+
          A Mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.

   M
          I use a Mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.

   M-
          Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.

   M--
          Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing
          them to use the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac
          weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my navel.
     _________________________________________________________________

VMS

   Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their
   mainframe and network activity.

   V+++
          I am a VMS sysadmin. I wield far more power than those UNIX
          admins, because UNIX can be found on any dweeb's desktop. Power
          through obscurity is my motto.

   V++
          Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the
          universe, my VMS system.

   V+
          I tend to like VMS better than Unix

   V
          I've used VMS.

   V-
          Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.

   V--
          I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than
          suffer the agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a
          dead and decaying pile of moose droppings. Unix rules the
          universe.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                  POLITICS
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   The last few years has seen the rise of the political geek. This
   phenomena is little understood, but some theorize that it has come
   about because of the popular media's attempts to demonize the Internet
   and computer use in general, and the government's willingness to go
   along with it. Others propose that the aging geek population has
   simply started taking an interest in the world around them. Some
   support the "Sun Spot" theory.
     _________________________________________________________________

Political and Social Issues

   We live is a society where everyone not only has a right to, but is
   expected to, whine and complain about everyone else. Rate where, in
   general, your political views on different social issues fall.

   PS+++
          Legalize drugs! Abolish the government. "Fuck the draft!"

   PS++
          I give to liberal causes. I march for gay rights. I'm a card
          carrying member of the ACLU. Keep abortion safe and legal.

   PS+
          My whole concept of liberalism is that nobody has the right to
          tell anybody else what to do, on either side of the political
          fence. If you don't like it, turn the bloody channel.

   PS
          I really don't have an opinion; nobody's messing with my
          freedoms right now.

   PS-
          Label records! Keep dirty stuff off the TV and the Internet.

   PS--
          Oppose sex education, abortion rights, gay rights. Rush
          Limbaugh is my spokesman.

   PS---
          Repent left-wing sinners and change your wicked evil ways.
          Buchanan/Robertson in '96.
     _________________________________________________________________

Politics and Economic Issues

   Social and economic attitudes are seldom on the same side of the
   political fence. Of course, most geeks don't really care much about
   economics; having no money left after buying new computer toys.

   PE+++
          Abolish antitrust legislation. Raise taxes on everyone but the
          rich so that the money can trickle-down to the masses.

   PE++
          Keep the government off the backs of businesses. Deregulate as
          much as possible.

   PE+
          Balance the budget with spending cuts and an amendment.

   PE
          Distrust both government and business.

   PE-
          It's ok to increase government spending, so we can help more
          poor people. Tax the rich! Cut the defense budget!

   PE--
          Capitalism is evil! Government should provide the services we
          really need. Nobody should be rich.
     _________________________________________________________________

Cypherpunks

   With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information
   Superhighway", concerns over privacy from evil governmental
   bad-guys{tm} has led to the formation of of an unofficial, loosely
   organized band of civil libertarians who spend much of their time
   discussing how to ensure privacy in the information future. This group
   is known by some as "cypherpunks" (by others, as anarchistic
   subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

   Y+++
          I am T.C. May

   Y++
          I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet.
          I never miss an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper
          and ITAR and the NSA. Orwell's 1984 is more than a story, it is
          a warning to our's and future generations. I'm a member of the
          EFF.

   Y+
          I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in
          reality I am not really all that active or vocal.

   Y
          I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.

   Y-
          It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme.
          I mean, the government must be able to protect itself from
          criminals and the populace from indecent speech.

   Y--
          Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection
          are people with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just
          a little paranoid.

   Y---
          I am L. Detweiler.
     _________________________________________________________________

PGP

   Pretty Good Privacy (aka PGP) is a program available on many platforms
   that will encrypt files so that prying eyes (particularly
   governmental) can't look at them.

   PGP++++
          I am Philip Zimmerman

   PGP+++
          I don't send or answer mail that is not encrypted, or at the
          very least signed. If you are reading this without decrypting
          it first, something is wrong. IT DIDN'T COME FROM ME!

   PGP++
          I have the most recent version and use it regularly

   PGP+
          "Finger me for my public key"

   PGP
          I've used it, but stopped long ago.

   PGP-
          I don't have anything to hide.

   PGP--
          I feel that the glory of the Internet is in the anarchic,
          trusting environment that so nurtures the exchange of
          information. Encryption just bogs that down.

   PGP---
          If you support encryption on the Internet, you must be a drug
          dealer or terrorist or something like that.

   PGP----
          Oh, here is something you all can use that is better (insert
          Clipper here).
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                               ENTERTAINMENT
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   Geeks love to play. No matter their age, all geeks enjoy playing. Of
   course, the object of this entertainment takes a myriad of different
   forms. What is it that pushes a geek to play? Is it simply a desire to
   relive their childhood? Or perhaps there is a piece of geeky genetic
   code that requires intellectual stimulation. Who knows, maybe it's a
   Freudian thing...
     _________________________________________________________________

Star Trek

   Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show
   (in any of its different incarnations). Because GEEK is often
   synonymous with TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label
   themselves TREKKER), it is important that all geeks list their Trek
   rating.

   t+++
          It's not just a TV show, it's a religion. I know all about warp
          field dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I
          have memorized the TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons
          with Vulcan ears on. I have no life.

   t++
          It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the
          movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built
          a few of the model kits too. But you'll never catch me at one
          of those conventions. Those people are kooks.

   t+
          It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on
          television any more.

   t
          It's just another TV show

   t-
          Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with
          Star Trek is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it
          is bad drama.

   t--
          Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an
          actor, he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A
          Frenchman with a British accent? Come on. Isn't Voyager just a
          rehash of Lost in Space? Has Sisko even breathed in the last
          two seasons? Come on. I'd only watch this show if my remote
          control broke.

   t---
          Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey,
          all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a
          t---)

   t*
          I identify with Barclay, the greatest of the Trek Geeks.
     _________________________________________________________________

Babylon 5

   For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that
   would overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a show called
   Babylon 5 has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting
   characters and state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

   5++++
          I am J. Michael Straczynski

   5+++
          I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats
          breathes and thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil thoughts about
          stealing Joe's videotape archives just to see episodes earlier.
          I am planning to break into the bank and steal the
          triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.

   5++
          Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like.
          None of this Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends"
          crap. And what's this? We finally get to see a bathroom! Over
          on that Enterprise, they've been holding it for over seven
          years!

   5+
          Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi
          universe. I watch it weekly.

   5
          I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.

   5-
          This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects
          are obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very
          cheap Star Trek ripoff.

   5--
          You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is
          just a soap with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame
          storylines. Puh-leese.
     _________________________________________________________________

X-Files

   The Fox Network's Friday evening show The X-Files has become the
   staple of Friday geekhood. Any show that has aliens, governmental
   conspiracies, aliens, psychic powers, aliens, and other weird stuff
   is, by definition, a geeky show.

   X++++
          I am Chris Carter

   X+++
          This is the BEST show on TV, and it's about time. I've seen
          everything David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson have ever done
          that been recorded and I'm a loyal Duchovny/ Gillian Anderson
          fan. I've Converted at least 10 people. I have every episode at
          SP, debate the fine details on-line, and have a credit for at
          least 2 YAXAs.

   X++
          This is one of the better shows I've seen. I wish I'd taped
          everything from the start at SP, because I'm wearing out my EP
          tapes. I'll periodically debate online. I've Converted at least
          5 people. I've gotten a YAXA.

   X+
          I've Converted my family and watch the show when I remember.
          It's really kinda fun.

   X
          Ho hum. Just another Fox show.

   X-
          It's ok if you like paranoia and conspiracy stories, but, let's
          face it, it's crap.

   X--
          If I wanted to watch this kind of stuff, I'd talk to Oliver
          Stone
     _________________________________________________________________

Role Playing

   Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of
   the traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in
   their role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of
   the following role-playing codes.

   R+++
          I've written and published my own gaming materials.

   R++
          There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of
          piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the
          rest of the players.

   R+
          I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know
          better than I know myself.

   R
          Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday
          afternoon

   R-
          Gosh, what an utter waste of time!

   R--
          Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.

   R---
          I work for T$R.

   R*
          I thought life WAS role-playing?
     _________________________________________________________________

Television

   Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

   tv+++
          There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see
          coming over my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels.
          I live for the O.J. Trial.

   tv++
          I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.

   tv+
          I watch some tv every day.

   tv
          I watch only the shows that are actually worthwhile, such as
          those found on PBS.

   tv-
          I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'

   tv--
          I turn my tv on during natural disasters.

   !tv
          I do not own a television.
     _________________________________________________________________

Books

   In addition (or maybe on the other hand), many geeks have lives that
   revolve around books.

   b++++
          I read a book a day. I have library cards in three states. I
          have discount cards from every major bookstore. I've ordered
          books from another country to get my Favorite Author Fix.

   b+++
          I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.

   b++
          I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.

   b+
          I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.

   b
          I read the newspaper and the occasional book.

   b-
          I read when there is no other way to get the information.

   b--
          I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell
          me.
     _________________________________________________________________

Dilbert

   Simply the geekiest comic strip in existence.
   http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/ for more information.

   DI+++++
          I am Scott Adams.

   DI++++
          I've received mail from Scott Adams. I'm in the DNRC (Dogbert's
          New Ruling Class).

   DI+++
          I am a Dilbert prototype

   DI++
          I work with people that act a lot like Dilbert and his boss.

   DI+
          I read Dilbert daily, often understanding it

   DI
          I read Dilbert infrequently, rarely understanding it

   DI-
          Is that the comic about the engineers?

   DI--
          Don't read it, but I think the dog is kinda cute.

   DI---
          I don't think it's funny to make fun of managers trying their
          best to run their organizational units.
     _________________________________________________________________

DOOM!

   There is a game out for the PCs and other computers called DOOM. It's
   a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things
   away with large-caliber weaponry. This has led to a series of similar
   games such as the Star Wars themed Dark Forces. Tell us about your
   abilities with these 3D games. (yes, some of them aren't actually
   Doom. Cope!)

   D++++
          I work for iD Software.

   D+++
          I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters,
          weaponry, sounds and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the
          original maps in nightmare mode with my eyes closed.

   D++
          I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and
          I'm actually pretty good at the game. I occasionally download
          PWAD files and play them too.

   D+
          It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy
          afternoon.

   D
          I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.

   D-
          I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that
          impressive.

   D--
          It's an overly-violent game and pure crap

   D---
          To hell with Doom, I miss Zork.

   D----
          I've seen better on my Atari 2600
     _________________________________________________________________

The Geek Code

   G+++++
          I am Robert Hayden

   G++++
          I have made a suggestion for future versions of the code (note
          that making a suggestion just to get a G++++ rating doesn't
          count, you also have to at least qualify for a G+++ rating :-)

   G+++
          I have memorized the entire geek code, and can decode others'
          codes in my head. I know by heart where to find the current
          version of the code on the net.

   G++
          I know what each letter means, but sometimes have to look up
          the specifics.

   G+
          I was once G++ (or higher), but the new versions are getting
          too long and too complicated.

   G
          I know what the geek code is and even did up this code.

   G-
          What a tremendous waste of time this Geek Code is.

   G--
          Not only a waste of time, but it obviously shows that this
          Hayden guy needs a life.
     _________________________________________________________________
          ________________________________________________________

                                 LIFESTYLE
          ________________________________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

   Geeks, unlike the lower lifeforms known as nerds, have lives. They
   have things to do that are in the outside world. Of course, this is
   usually done with other geeks, but that's not the point. The point
   is,, that geeks are not necessarily the outcasts society often
   believes they are. The fact is that society isn't kool enough to be
   included in our activities.
     _________________________________________________________________

Education

   All geeks have a varying amount of education.

   e+++++
          I am Stephen Hawking

   e++++
          Managed to get my Ph.D.

   e+++
          Got a Masters degree

   e++
          Got a Bachelors degree

   e+
          Got an Associates degree

   e
          Finished High School

   e-
          Haven't finished High School

   e--
          Haven't even entered High School

   e*
          I learned everything there is to know about life from the
          "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".
     _________________________________________________________________

Housing

   Tell us about your geeky home.

   h++
          Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed,
          located near a Dominoes pizza. See !d.

   h+
          Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than
          once a month to do laundry. All surfaces covered.

   h
          Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about
          Geek things. There is a place for them to sit.

   h-
          Living with one or more registered Geeks.

   h--
          Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a
          Geek and refuse to watch Babylon 5.

   h---
          Married, (persons living romantically with someone might as
          well label themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)

   h----
          Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize

   h!
          I am stuck living with my parents!

   h*
          I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems
          like home to me.
     _________________________________________________________________

Relationships

   While many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good
   many more are not. Give us the gritty details.

   r+++
          Found someone, dated, and am now married.

   r++
          I've dated my current S.O. for a long time.

   r+
          I date frequently, bouncing from one relationship to another.

   r
          I date periodically.

   r-
          I have difficulty maintaining a relationship.

   r--
          People just aren't interested in dating me.

   r---
          I'm beginning to think that I'm a leper or something, the way
          people avoid me like the plague.

   !r
          I've never had a relationship.

   r*
          signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club
          of America). The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First
          founded at Caltech.

   r%
          I was going out with someone, but the asshole dumped me.
     _________________________________________________________________

Sex

   Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have
   any). Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of
   sexuality for that matter), it is important that the geek be willing
   to quantify their sexual experiences.

   This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use
   'x' in this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to
   disclose their gender can use 'z'. For example:
     * x+ -- A female who has had sex
     * y+ -- A male who has had sex.
     * z+ -- A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.

   For those persons who do not wish to give out any details of their sex
   life, the use of z? (where z is the gender code) will allow you to do
   so.

   z+++++
          I am Madonna

   z++++
          I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides,
          with kids around, who has time for sex?

   z+++
          I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.

   z++
          I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that
          might have come from though.

   z+
          I've had real, live sex.

   z
          I've had sex. Oh! You mean with someone else? Then no.

   z-
          Not having sex by choice.

   z--
          Not having sex because I just can't get any...

   z---
          Not having sex because I'm a nun or a priest.

   z*
          I'm a pervert.

   z**
          I've been known to make perverts look like angels.

   !z
          Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.

   z?
          It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is
          used to denote your gender only).

   !z+
          Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!
     _________________________________________________________________
                    ___________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

How to Display Your Code

   Now that you have your ratings for each of the above categories, it's
   time to assemble your code for displaying to the world. Take each
   category you determined and list them all together with one space
   between each one. If you run out space on one line, continue it on the
   next. When completed, it will look something like the following:

   GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++
          w--- O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+
          b+ DI+++ D+++ G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**

   If you are going to place your Geek Code into your .signature or .plan
   file (highly recommended), you should create your GEEK CODE BLOCK.
   This parody of the output created by the PGP program will attempt to
   universalize how you will see the Geek Code around the net. Your GEEK
   CODE BLOCK will look like the following:

  -----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
  Version: 3.1
  GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w---
  O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++
  G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**
  ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

   As you can see, the actual code hasn't changed. However, the version
   number of the code you are using is displayed along with lines
   starting and ending the code. Make sure to duplicate the start and end
   lines exactly as the example in order to maintain a net-wide standard
   (ie. five dashes front and back for the BEGIN line and six for the END
   line, and all capital letters.)

   "HELP!" you scream as your mailer or news reader won't let you post
   more than four lines in the .signature. That is because some anal
   programs limit the size of your signature. Your next best bet, then is
   to put your GEEK CODE BLOCK into your .plan file and put something to
   the effect of "Finger for Geek Code" into your .signature. That, or
   get a better mailer.
     _________________________________________________________________
                    ___________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

Where to find the Geek Code

   The Geek Code is available at the following official sites. All other
   sites are not official:

   Via World Wide Web
          http://www.geekcode.com (HTML Format)
     _________________________________________________________________
                    ___________________________________
     _________________________________________________________________

Copyright

   The Geek Code is copyright (C) 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996 by Robert A.
   Hayden. All rights reserved. You are free to distribute this code in
   electronic format provided that the file remains unmodified and this
   copyright notice remains attached. This copyright prohibits HTMLizing
   the code for publication on the web. If you wish to publish abstracts
   or portions of the code, contact the author for permission. If you
   wish to write an article about the Geek Code, please contact the
   author. All creatures not native to Earth are exempt from this
   copyright, however, they must prove that they qualify.

   This page is copyright © 1996 Robert A. Hayden. All rights reserved.